Winter is my absolute favourite weather. Layers and layers of holiday fat hidden under my sweaters, a hot mug of chocolate, cuddled up in my blanket with a good book. Something about the chilly air calms my nerves. The chill makes my mind numb and that clears all thoughts.
So as usual I sat in my balcony with my cup of hot chocolate minus my phone and my current favourite book, ‘The Winner Stands Alone’ by Paulo Coelho, just admiring the view and letting the cold breeze ruin my skin, my thoughts drifted from one topic to another and finally settled on relationships. And what amuses me is that as soon as I said ‘relationship’, majority would comprehend it to be the romantic type, despite it being applicable to a lot of equations we share with people namely our family, our friends and even our pets.
So here is the actual deal, the only successful relationships (of any kind, that is) I have had in a while is with my pets. And the only reason they are deemed successful is that Usain and Bolt, my two turtles, need to be fed only once a day, and do not mind it when I forget that too once in a while (which is actually quite a few times). They are absolute sweethearts and do not make me feel guilty when I am not responsible or plain ignorant. I guess, what I am trying to say is if you are reading this looking for advice for a romantic relationship, looking to mend things with your significant other, let me tell you, wrong place, because as you can see I am not qualified to issue any kind of advice regarding any relationship, be it with a mute animal.
What I actually want to say is that maintaining a relationship is hard. For everyone. It requires time, patience, responsibility, loyalty, love and what-not. The point here is these big hefty terms are applicable for a relationships, be it with anyone. Why is that we have forgotten to apply these to the relationship we share with ourselves? The trend of the generation is act first, think later; me, you, your best friend, your brother, each one of us has the tendency to overlook the consequences of an action.
I am speaking for myself here, anything and everything is confusing. And the reason is absent, so is explanation. Don’t you feel that in running with the world, somewhere a part of us just wants to sit alone with our thoughts and just be?
Before completely dismissing this as a concept for consolation for the single people, ask yourself these questions. “Are you completely in sync with yourself?” “All actions, reactions and words having a proper reason, if not explanation?” “Do you know how you feel?” If the answer to any of these is “Yes”, feel free to celebrate your life, you have earned it. And if you answer “NO”, don’t you think it is high time to sort out your relationship with yourself. When was the last time you actually sat alone, music blaring in your ears does not count, with your thoughts, evaluating and analyzing your actions or your emotions? Some would say, life needs to be lived in the moment, and I whole-heartedly agree, but I would like to ask at what price?
Losing touch with yourself is possibly the worst thing imaginable, doing something and not being aware of it. It is like a trance, just living through each day in a haze without recollection. You feel lost in the midst of a sea familiar faces. When you finally realize what is happening, you will find it difficult to get out of this state, not because it is impossible or it is too late, but because you will become accustomed to go through each day as it comes.
All of us live in a world of expectations, any relationship we share with anyone is not devoid of that. Our parents, for example, expect certain things from us, and we expect certain things in return, their parents expected from them and so on. The catch is, do we fulfill the expectations we have from ourselves? Or better still, do we even know what we expect from ourselves? Being aware of our own needs and expectations is an important aspect towards building a life or even a personality. If we are made to sit in front of a goon brandishing a gun with a threat to kill unless the question “Who am I?” is answered, only then will we think about the answer. My question is, why wait for the extreme to know who we are? Why not start now?
Why is that we are running after issues with other people, when we are not even interested in solving our own? You and I have our personal demons, our own personal struggles and our own personal issues which control and trigger our personality. Why not try to overcome this chasm between the way you are and the way you want to be? If you let real life be the octopus it is, it will pull you and drown you using all its eight (umm… arms? No, legs? Or tentacles! I think I will go with LIMBS!!!) limbs.
This New Year, for a change, instead of cringing at the ‘New Year. New Me’ resolution, take it up. Let it be your own personal secret, embark on a relationships with yourself. Watch movies, travel, read a book, listen to unconventional music, day dream, experiment, treat yourself, but above all learn and discover who you are and respect yourself for the person you are. A lot has gone into making you the way you are. And trust me, 2016 was meh! You survived that? Then you can easily survive a relationship with yourself. In conclusion, I have a song recommendation- ‘Surprise Yourself’ by Jack Garatt, the lyrics are as follows:
Speak and open up your mind
It’s something you should do all the time
Keep exploring, seek and find
You know you might surprise yourself
Talk without a taint or hold
The doubts that should embrace your heart
The calm and chaos of your soul
You know you might surprise yourself
Take a pen and write this down
Draw something that can’t be found
And learn to walk again somehow
You know you might surprise yourself.”
Love yourself for who you are and accept it. Once, you and your inner bitch are friends again, the world awaits.